Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Trust and Pain
I normally try not to blog about people who may, in fact read the blog. But here we go. I am not a trusting person by nature any more. I am pretty sure that most people are out to get you and have a hidden agenda. That being said I work very hard to trust first without judgment and deal with whatever consequences may happen along the way. I recently made a very good friend. The kind of friend that you don't make every day. Someone who shares my interests and genuinely cares about me. Someone who is not necessarily exactly like me, but that was part of the beauty of the relationship. There was so much to learn and challenge and be a part of. Not judgment and resistance but real connection and happiness. So I thought. I wonder if I did something wrong although I can't think of what. I realize that sometimes what we perceive as happiness is actually a clever disguise for someone using you. I don't like to think that people do that, especially in this case. So, I worked at it and the more I do that the more hurt I got and the more times I felt like I was fighting a loosing battle. With anyone else I would have walked away by this time and just said that it wasn't worth the frustration. Why is that so hard to do now? I feel like a piece of me has been taken, borrowed and not given back. I either want that piece back or I want my friend back. To be honest I would prefer my friend.